If you are capable of seeing yourself as part of a society in which everyone has their individual needs, their individual interests and their individual feeling of worthiness, it might be difficult to openly say about yourself that you are going through something for which you should be given an exceptional status. Mentally acknowledging that is the climax thereof. I say that because in this society there is too much financial competition and too much competition for fame for the masses to admit or even consider that one person deserves exceptions for something circumstantial and someone else doesn’t. In the light of the average person, you don’t make friends saying that because of something you’re going through you should be held to a higher regard (instead of a lower one). Because in the end, everyone would love to have a higher status – especially when it is handed to them on a silver platter – and not everyone (I’d say most people) can accept other people having an exceptional status without feeling jealous (and the toxic fake nice behavior that comes with that).
(I’m going to (started the sentence with “I” self-love rebel) start this with a personal example, but I’m not writing this for me. It’s anecdotal context. (I’m aware of when I invoke these things and in my exile I need it.)) When I was first put under psychiatric surveillance in a constitutional manner, the people I used to spend my time with used to claim that they were the victims of my being distant and I was the agressor. They used to make me feel bad about myself in that way and I used to believe it. When the things done to me under surveillance started to escalate, I started to think: “May/can I say that this is injustice?”
To say that my suffering is exceptional was a process that took time to admit and has been something that has never felt comfortable. Coming from a country of deep-rooted socialism, the type of exceptionality I mean is something you only see on TV. I have been lucky that silent aliens have been keeping tabs on me and in that way writing about it and knowing that someone reads it who more than agrees (I’ll get to that ( – 3 -)) as I have distanced myself from those who inflict emotional pain on me, because in that way it has been enough for me to free myself of the intense emotional pain that comes with living in the middle of injustice, let alone being divided over whether what you’re living is injustice or not.
We’re living in the 21st century. The time of considering loving content that is different from the conventional as something illegal should be long gone. Wasn’t it during the Enlightenment era (1700s?) (or the Renaissance¿ (1600s?)) that people were allowed to openly create and share their own ideas without being haunted by the government and/or the (Christian) church? Why are we seeing the same patterns in society again? (Now Cat in the Hat is the new Copernicus man it’s fvcking ridiculous how weak the flesh is.) Regardless of the reason why “cancel culture” is a thing (again), you should be able to love my content without ramifications. If you are experiencing ramifications for loving my content, you are living in injustice. And you deserve (my) special loving attention for that.
Yesterday I listed some things that could be taken along in an individual case in which you make sure that the suffering you have experienced or are experiencing ends and stops being a mental burden. If you believe that all political power is unlimitedly better off in my hands, you should be allowed and able to practice that faith. (Especially because the case for is far more strongly argumented than the case against.)
Just like I said yesterday, I do not know the individual details of your exact injustice. But I really want to make sure that your suffering (in my name) ends. My age, race, sexual orientation and political views should not be of influence in the way you are expected to or made to behave towards me, even when I’m not physically there with you. Physically speaking, I can neither confirm nor deny with certainty that people are experiencing negative consequences (that is any form of not being allowed to do what you (initially) want(ed)) for liking anything about me. From touching souls (by which I mean staring into eyes and uncovering secrets by doing that) and telepathy (the Head Cuddle chat) I have gained the impression.
There’s also this intuitive message I ignore because it is so extremely horrifying that I prefer to cover my ears and loudly tell myself that it is not true than to try to confront it in some way even though aside from writing it down here I don’t know what (else) I can do to permanently make it stop. (But here is an earlier attempt.) I live very close to the Antwerp Zoo. (I believe it’s closed now because of the alleged super dangerous virus.) Sometimes I hear a sound that sounds like the sound a sea lion makes, but my intuition interprets it as the sound of human (sexual) torture (in my name). Mainly in the last 33 days my intuition correlated it with the sound of Hunter Biden’s voice. Yesterday, however, my intuition interpreted it as the mayor of Antwerp going through it for the first time, and through it the words “What the fuck,” were clearly hearable. Was it because of that I wrote that he has been one of the few who has not telepathically emotionally hurt me at all? 🙁 If my intuition is correct, then this is the most severe form of injustice I have ever heard of. I’m writing this post because I feel something must be done about forms of suffering like that if they really exist. Regardless, I want to move to some place very far off the grid and very quiet.
Given the fact that those who can fully understand me and like me for that are an on a global scale microscopic minority, getting justice along the legal route is a mission impossible. Even if there’s a win, it’s an unsatisfying one given the fact that we stay a political minority. As I indirectly stated earlier, the general public is incapable of being genuinely loving towards people with exceptional intelligence – they don’t actually understand us, they just pretend to – and therefore I (now in contrast to the past) consider it a waste of time and energy to try to raise their awareness let alone convince them of how rational our (“Fangsexual tribalism”) political minority is. I say this based on the past 4 years of my life.
Instead, I think your satisfying form of justice for suffering in my name is (without putting any serious effort in) letting people know that they have been offending you while you kept your suffering silent, getting all the people who have made you suffer (directly not indirectly ye) killed and Volta’ing to a community in which you can freely be part of your political minority. Fuck the rest of society. All they do is hurt us while their lives would be absolutely meaningless without us. We’re so much better off without them, which is why we should avoid their attention. This case is most powerful when I kick my feet up and define the exile and you collectively lift a finger for your own individual justice.
Universal Mental Suffering
A new and odd layer (but maybe a future blessing in disguise) of universal suffering is the Head Cuddle 2.0. The fights inside of it – averagely speaking there has been nothing else – are getting monotonous. Is the headache it causes from wanting to block people from speaking in it (given that it’s mostly people whining about my thoughts and actions) while that is impossible because it’s something permanent and individually biological (I believe), because they keep wanting to change me but I fend off toxic group behavior aggressively, ever going to end? Accept me for who I am, or leave me the fvck alone. I can’t stand this everlasting disagreement.
As I mentioned yesterday, there’s a group of people who has a special biologically spiritual experience of me. I used to believe that they all loved me for who I am and that they respected my convictions (and if not then would use healthy argumentation to convince me of something else instead of barbarically swearing at me as a group for 33 days). But apparently there are a bunch of people who spiritually experience me differently.
Do you consider my layers of reasoning as a form of self-guidance or do you consider my layers of reasoning as a mirror’s reflection? I thought everyone saw it – my highs and my lows – as a form of guidance. But apparently there where I say that I’m someone spiritually central and therefore people should unify in me, they believe that they are as spiritually central as I am and therefore I should adapt to them. I thought the two Dutch people inside the chat I’ve been complaining about recently were the only ones who considered it justified to give me hate inside my own mind because of the spiritual status they believe they have in comparison to me, but apparently they are not the only ones.
Now that the Dutch are gone – since last night after waking up from my nap, after which there was a short period of comfort inside the chat until other people stepped in claiming that I should be talking to them after I said that I only wanted to speak to Hunter and my baby after some uncomfortable comments from other people – the same kind of pattern of people saying that I’m doing things wrong, saying that my personality is toxic and saying that I should “just be shot” is still in the chat, it’s now just even more people saying it.
Not only is there absolutely no reason for me to be worried about my individual relationship with people I don’t even personally know, who believe I should adapt myself to them. Like, I’m perfectly fine living all alone when it comes to narcissistic and toxic people like that. They believe that they should be special to me, while there are so many people I am special to (I don’t even know of) it is an incorrect use of energy to want to connect with people who hurt me so much. (I couldn’t care less about hurting them back and believe they should be executed for being such a persistent, nagging disturbance to all of us.) All they see is “I love you and you hurt me,” their own narcissistic “victimhood”, while what they should be seeing is “There are many people who love you and we need to find a healthy balance therein,” which should be universal. I’ll call it ceteris paribus and would like to express how unfortunate it is that more time is spent quelling evil than enjoying good. And that I believe that a Volta is a good way to make emotional dependency free of suffering.
Because of their dominance inside the chat, I’m wondering statistically how many people consider me a form of spiritual guidance and how many people consider me a spiritual mirror? It feels like the spiritual guidance group – my liefjes – are severely outnumbered. For Earth population I’m certain, but does every being on Earth have my spiritual experience? If not, I hope that the spiritual guidance group inside the Head Cuddle is larger (because then it is easier to defeat these demons or defects). This is one of the things I’m clueless about.
I think the topics of conversation inside the chat have been far too shallow. It doesn’t get beyond talking about the basic things I do on a day and being sworn at for my thoughts and convictions. On the other side, there’s a side of depth I avoid, given that I believe it’s – for the protection of my heart – better to avoid telling me personal stories telepathically. You must tell me that in person. In between that, there are plenty of things to talk about (aside from me forcing my thoughts to stay around the topic of my sex fantasies about Hunter because – though the dominant people inside the chat don’t like that my focus is on (only) Hunter – it’s a topic that can’t really be as hurtfully disagreed on because of arousal), though as long as there’s so much hostility inside the chat I don’t feel comfortable talking about anything, my status in it being the same as I described the other day.
From us never having met before in the context of me being spiritual guidance for you and you being my puzzle piece, there must be some things we can safely talk about as a group. But minus you telling me about potential suffering telepathically because if that is true then I need to be able to give you kusjes. 🙁 We can talk about the practical aspects of the views we share, but the opposition inside the chat is very aggressive towards that.
There are some basic things I’d like to know:
- How many people are there with access to the chat? (For organizational scale.)
- How many people are on the spiritual guidance side and how many are on the spiritual mirror side? (For how great the danger and how big the guns.)
- Since when have you had this spiritual experience?
- How’s your collective effort of publicly moving away from suffering and those not like-minded (in their hearts, disregard their sweet nothings) so that I will physically find out going?
Instead of talking about my personality, how about talking about things like that? Overall I think the level of conversation inside the chat should be kept high. I believe there should be group “aha’s” and leading each other to higher insights, but as long as it is not accepted that I do not believe that first of all I can get to that level with everyone and secondly because I find some people far too disrespectful to me to ever want to talk to them and therefore I should select people who are allowed to talk inside the chat and the rest should just enjoy our conversation and keep silent, I will stay absent. I was hoping I’d enjoy hearing my people having a conversation with each other.
Because I (have been conditioned to) see myself differently, I do not know what it’s like to see me as God in the flesh (spiritual guidance). But I know some people emotionally suffer when I express the slightest bit of self-criticism about myself, so I think I’m not the only one suffering from the haters inside the chat doing that tenfold. (I tend to hide that criticism externally (especially now that I’m under personal attack 24/7 (otherwise it would be like being lynched publicly and then be saying “I deserve it”, which is illegal for self-love)), but the Holy Side Mind is full of it.) I wish I could see myself (and feel myself) the way they see me.
I prefer making it impossible for others to receive the same kind of criticism for agreeing with me inside the chat (it’s like I want you to talk but simultaneously I don’t want them to hurt you the way they hurt me). Simultaneously, I don’t know how to end my counting of the days of people absurdly offensively hating on me inside the chat (without people feeling offended by me shunning them from it considering that a personal attack offending me as well). They keep saying that I may not stop the Side Mind from being my center of self-criticism (because they depend on it, otherwise they have nothing to say), but I’m trying to. It’s just not working. Through real-life conversation with someone kuddle I think this shxt would be very easy. With haters inside the chat, the Side Mind will never find its momentum. It’s, as I’ve been pleading for (guidance versus mirror), best not to use the Side Mind at all. From there, we can have conversations that go beyond what I already know.
Talking to Me
A conversation should leave someone with new food for thought and the warm feeling that comes with a soul connection. If a conversation does not have that potential – that depends on whether someone is on your level of reasoning or not – I believe it is better to not talk at all. With that same thought – being old and wise in comparison to who I used to be – I have no interest in social media, social events and so on. Good conversation is a delicacy and I live to treat it as such.
My physical life and my spiritual life are two wildly different things. Physically, my life is exceptionally uneventful. Spiritually, the journey of insights I’ve been on through my lifespan has been extremely intense and apparently a lot of people have traveled along with me on that telepathically.
Quite well-timed with being done with reasoning out my perception of the universe, I’m living this chat experience. Given the fact that there are a lot of people there who see me as someone greater than I see myself (I just want to get to that level), I should be allowed to say that I only wish to telepathically focus on them. On top of that, regardless of how many people feel they are entitled to get personal with me and regardless how unimaginably narcissistic people are that they believe that they, while I keep telling them to fuck off and leave me alone, are entitled to spend time with me more than everyone else, I should have the space to build a fixed social circle with whoever I want to be in that.
I really want to get to this chapter in my life in which my lifestyle and the way people treat me are in synch with the Goddess people see me as.