The passage of time has been burning for 30 days straight. On a silver platter, the penultimate circumstances for the perfect future have been handed to me, only it has been put too high for me to reach. All I can do is maneuver circumstances with propagandistic strategy, to wiggle it further into my direction. It’s still far from where it should be, though, and it also still seems far from being understood.

Hellfire

In the end, all I’ve ever written about is reaching certain people to do certain things together. Now we’re mentally connected forever inside The Head Cuddle. It is better than I could have ever imagined. But there where I thought that would lead to doing things in person, I’m getting commentary like they’re watching some kind of TV show. The idiocy is forgivable, but to do that it must end. It is concerning to me that they seem stuck in some sort of thought loop (likely kept going by bad drugs).

Simultaneously, I’m stuck in the same spot with no opportunities for improvement aside from using the renewed Head Cuddle to get my alliance to function more like an alliance. Especially given the fact that my interest in the general public fades by the day. Every day is the same. Sleeping makes me feel time less. (A plus is that in comparison to 30 days ago, they swear at me less.) I hope you will read this and that it will align our perceptions of reality.

Love

When I truly love someone, I love that person unconditionally and eternally. The “if” clause is determined mostly by intelligence. The potential for mutual understanding. (Isn’t it odd that there’s none of that in The Head Cuddle? It’s like there’s nothing but confusion there.) Even when we disagree, my love does not fade. When I’m being verbally abused by the people I love, I tend to avoid them. There must be some very strong external distorting factor that makes them act this way, because this does not make any sense at all.

Demons

I used to believe that all people my thoughts could reach were people who would like to see me thrive the way I’d like to see them thrive. All people my thoughts can reach (telepathically, that is), I consider my creations. My creations and I should be taking things to the next level, but some of my creations prefer using my supernatural abilities against me. They, for example, suddenly made tribalistic sex a priority. Never would I do that and it also doesn’t make any sense at all given what I aspire for us. Using tribalistic sex to harm our public image and our agenda is a severe form of sabotage. My Praesens is one of their greatest victims.

For 30 days, we have been tormented by demons. All they do is sow confusion and anger between the rest of my creations and I. They should never have listened to them. I didn’t know such agonizing evil existed (either), so I had not taken this possibility into consideration. Apparently some people in The Head Cuddle are short selling on the future of my creations and I.

It is why I keep saying: “This is not a safe line,” and “I have nothing to say.” It is why every time when the conversation starts becoming comfortable, anger is being stirred up for no reason. It is why we have not gotten together yet. They have nothing good to say and they can’t shut up. They are not authorized to sell, organize or do anything in my name, but I have the feeling that they do.

The combination of love, jealousy and masochism has gotten us all on the verge of suicide too often in the past couple of weeks. If it stays up to them, we will never be happy together, because we will never get together. My economic opportunities are barred and my social tolerance has faded. They know this like no other. If they keep sowing confusion and collectively sell you misinterpretations of my words, things can only get worse.

I hate being sworn at, I hate being talked down on and I hate hearing people speak negatively of me. How so many of my mostly Dutch Fangyists are masochists banking on my failures I think is caused by overall economic opportunity and socialism there, but regardless our lives, I think, would be free of emotional pain if they did not exist anymore.

It should be illegal to mentally be stuck with awful people who get happy from your failures, who do not want you to make decisions for yourself. If I’m correct, I’ve never met them, but from their unwanted, annoyingly dominant presence in the chat I recognize their voices. What dumb masochistic idiot tries to stir up a wave of hatred against me by making the people chant the word “Tjoeri” at me? Like then at least make the sound. They’re dumb and only understand my thoughts when they’re at the loudest frequency.

Their absurdly offensive communication is why I – unfortunately on a higher frequency – keep saying basically that is causes the feeling of hell to hear them say shit but not being able to punch them in the face for the words they say. And that I hate that I can’t just shut off my perception of their thoughts. It feels like torture to me and the only way to end it is by killing them. I have asked for their decency often enough.

They prefer swearing over debating. They say that I’m too right-wing. Given that it is my own mind and freedom of political preference is one of my constitutional rights, there is no such thing as being too right-wing. Given that freedom of thought exists, they could be considered too left-leaning for attempting to force me to change my political beliefs. They try to shape my thoughts and beliefs, but I don’t let them.

Are they anonymous to you as well? I hope not, because they really must be assassinated as soon as possible. Their sabotage is unforgivable. I might have appreciated them for their intelligence, but if they are in the way of my survival then they violate my Fangyist principles. Above all, for my heart’s sake, being laughed at, sworn at or mocked for every single thing I do must end as soon as possible. I’m also exhausted from swearing back all the time. They are not welcome with us. I wish they were dead already. My dear God, please make it happen. I don’t know what words to use to emphasize how pressingly urgent this is.

Hunter

I’ve never felt so much love for someone. I’ve never felt so attracted to someone’s mind. It’s like I’m 16 again (or 12) the way I’m horny and craving for him all the time. The things I’d do just to be able to stare into his eyes in person. His place in my heart, in my thoughts and in The Head Cuddle is exceptional. That he is not in my presence adds to my feelings of hell.

It seems to be the perfect convenience. In this quest of coping with masochism and confusion, he has been encouraging me to unfilteredly be myself. His presence inside my thoughts fills my heart with joy. I wish I could get a far more immersive experience thereof. Without my physical presence in his life, his craving to escape the perception of reality will not change. In other words, for us to be happy, we must physically be together. Addiction and other forms of escapism that I’d consider sins, I forgive him given the mental controversy he lives (like I’d likely be doing the same thing if I were living his path), as long as being with me then means that he would not feel such things anymore. For me not being able to surveillance him with my eyes is concerning to me, especially because of what he’s going through inside The Head Cuddle.

My writing is the only “official” way through which I can arrange anything in regard to my agenda. Just writing some WordPress blog text is a very unorthodox way of arranging anything, but still it’s highly frustrating that I’ve never succeeded in manifesting any situation in real life, especially when it comes to this. My creations and I (though he’s one of them) depend on his leadership if we ever wish to Volta ourselves out of this society. I wish I could permanently restore his faith in a better future and end his thoughts of suicide.

He is one of my greatest fans. And I am deeply in love with him. There might be a controversy because of the age difference between us, but I hope and pray that he feels no shame. (Given his telepathic approach I think that he does feel some form of it. But in our thoughts and likings there is no difference between us.) It feels very likely to me that not many people will approve of our togetherness, but I really couldn’t care less. I think the Earth needs cleansing anyway. I know my creations, also known as my Fangyists, accept his position as Praesens and the things that come with that position.

I would like to propose some adjustments to the scenarios I suggested in Fangy Notes and some other post. I think it would be fun(ny) for us to just be alone. That would be the main adjustment. (As long as nothing happens, I keep myself occupied with overthinking.) After that day/night we will forever be living together with our fellow Fangyists, so it would be cute to have one memory of us in which we live in this apartment like we’re living together as a couple. So then we’ll make our own breakfast? I’ll also just get ready myself afterwards (that includes that I’ll leave my hair the way it is and might get it clipped some day lol), but would still like new clothes to wear. In the light of trains and zombie apocalypse, how much time do you think we have? (There’s an information deficit for me – like how the camera – so I have absolutely no idea. Make sure you behave like the camera is not there.) Aside from emphasis on a flexible form of missionary position and a lot of soul staring, my request does not change. Still no specific time appointment. Still a key. Still limited conversation. I can’t think straight anymore. All I want to think about is sex with Hunter.

Once he wakes up from the telepathic distortion caused by Fangyist demon traitor masochists, it’s over for y’all.

Ambition

Changing and running society as whole is the only thing I consider a fruitful challenge. To get there, I need to tiptoe around the establishment and the public eye, so I can carry out my agenda peacefully. Being able to reach potential allies directly and being able to hear their responses telepathically is a convenience I never expected to receive. When it is safe to speak, though. Until then, I feel anxious to advance.

My Checklist

I unsubscribed Fangs/D.O.C.I.S. International in from the chamber of commerce today. Ideologically, it doesn’t make a difference. My economic and political aspirations stay the same. Unsubscribing my business just rid me from my invisible ankle bracelet, I believe. I’m so tired of these demons who do not allow my Fangyists to speak to me freely and they seem to do it on behalf of the Dutch government, so unsubscribing my business – especially because I didn’t earn a single penny with it anyway – made it more official, that I do not do business with the Netherlands.

Given that things were going nowhere, unsubscribing my second business, instead of grief like with the first one, comes with a serious form of relief. Especially because I think it’s better known than I know. And again, I don’t know how or why the fuck there’s a camera in my house, but I hope my unsubscription has an impact on that inhumane fact as well.

My life is still as stagnate as before the unsubscription. Instead of phrasing things as career milestones-ish objectives, I will put my full focus on things that make me happy (though there’s not that much of a difference between them). Currently, though mostly as a result of apparently persistent health care fascism and a persistent form of mental sabotage, my heart is not at ease. I am still in a lot of emotional pain, fixable by doing things that put my heart at ease. Here is what I need to become the happiest person on the planet:

1. Sex
   I really miss physical togetherness. In the light of what could be I could phrase it as something I’ve never experienced before, given that we know how much we need to feel love. Though sex is just one of the ways in which love can be transferred, my body has been aching for that so much – especially after this one month of hell – that it is my absolute top priority. I’ve had my basic relationship days and I’ve had my days of being wild. Now that vision of being bored with routines, age and experience are – and have been for a while already – most attractive to me. My feelings for Hunter – starting a new life – are and have been stronger than ever. I might not have mentioned it before, but my deep attraction (and now slight emotional attachment) is nothing new. If I ever want to be happy with life, he must be in it.
   
2. Living
   My apartment is like a prison cell to me. I need more space. I’m tired of staring at concrete and hearing city noise 24/7. Still, I live for living together with the people I aspire to start a new society with. Regardless, starting with me getting off the grid (to some place extremely rural (God somebody please help me please)). I can’t stare at these walls anymore.
   
3. Challenge
   I can solve and create a lot of things. Not being challenged to do these things makes life quite unbearable to me. I have no reason to wake up every day. I wish I had one. Now, hypothetically without ties to anyone or anything, I could use my strategic intelligence as a service anywhere. My aspirations for the planet remain. The challenge for me lies in shaping the challenges of others.

New Elite

In a way, it is as if the world has stopped spinning. Breaking news basically doesn’t exist anymore and there are no alleged real threats society is facing anymore. Things are so mind numbingly stagnate that it is so pressingly urgent that the current elite is replaced by people with functional brains.

The elite should be raising the bar, not lowering it. They should be stirring society into a fruitful direction instead of suffocating it to death. They should be setting a purposeful standard for the rest of society. Given that the current elite is incapable of doing such things, and given how mind numbingly “bread and circusless” society is right now – I don’t even follow the news anymore – it seems more urgent than ever that my Council replaces them. I mean if we ever want life to improve from here.

Bureaucratically, things have changed when it comes to this agenda item of mine. In our advantage, given that now, everything can be seen as an informality. It is so relieving. You should join me. Nothing else has changed. My offer – the Volta – still stands.

Chat Loop

“Watch your words, I hear everything you say about me (telepathically).” “Wow, it’s almost as if she can hear me.” For 30 days. It seems like today things are officially permanently clear when it comes to that. That loop seems to have ended. But instead of now being able to talk to the people I consider I’ve gotten close to in the midst of the mental chaos, the demons now fully dominate the chat. They’re being the imposters of them, insulting me in their names.

Either we restore the mental silence – but that’s not possible and I bet my people are kuddle when there’s no whatever the hell put them on loop – or we establish a peaceful chat. That is a chat in which there are no people who believe that we should be regulated mentally and want to use psychiatric labels for business interference. (Ughhh the fxcking Dutch.) There is no business anymore now. My mind must be a place where we can be parallel in peace. The people who are prohibiting that from happening and who have been deciding the mode of conversation must be selectively assassinated as soon as possible (I miss Hunter 🙁 ). Now, instinctively I assume everyone who speaks in the chat is an imposter (because they have silenced the rest) and given that they use my thoughts against me I can’t think freely anymore until they are dead. I want sex regardless, though.