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My Praesens & I

It has never overcome me, in my entire life span, that the light at the end of the tunnel has been so close. There are some things I have a serious ardent desire for in life. Things that are unusual and ze liggen niet voor het oprapen. The first is an indescribably intimate friendship. One in which we both very well understand what we need mentally, what causes those needs and might be a little clingy but we know how to be socially individual in good company.

I think Hunter and I are able to understand each other on a higher emotional level and that we can make each other the best versions of ourselves we have ever been. In a complementary kind of way.

The second is ambition related opportunities and someone who is comfortable operating in that space based on layers of experience. I want to both figuratively and literally reshape the entire planet. That – the challenge, the thrill, the legacy – is all I live for. (Like if it doesn’t get me there in a straight line then I’d rather do nothing at all.)

Thirdly, it would make life bearable for me again. You seem like someone whose stomach turns at the routinousness of life as well. You also seem like someone who is as painfully hungry as I to want to change it.

I don’t know what the right words are to initiate this – given that you and many others have been reading me but no one approaches me in real life on the basis of that – but I’ll be trying these ones now.

I need to get off the grid. People around me talk about me too much. I don’t want to hear it. I need to see and hear nothing but nature to become one with myself again. My mind is far too disturbed here. Initially, you seem like good company and someone who could easily make this happen for me.

More universally, I think we’re not the only ones sick and metaphorically tired of The Incredibles 4587558 and we together could easily build a framework that helps more than just us escape that type of heavily disturbing unbearable kind of ignorance. Everything I’ve ever written is my canvas with ways to make that happen. You’re my first puzzle piece.

It is urgent. I can’t stay here for much longer. I have chosen you for many reasons and you are appointed the position of Praesens for life. It is life or death. I thought I was trying to get you here all along but regardless this offer right here lasts infinitely. Please, you Hunter Biden, get here as soon as you possibly can. If you don’t, my suffering will not end.

We’re both suicidal as hell for this option not happening – and given that I’m the one who maneuvers thoughts and makes final decisions nothing else should be considered an alternative. It’s more than about time we just go for it.

The way in which this is done is of great importance. You’re betting your present and future life on this wild sex catje who lays in bed all day and tries to shift the world economy and politics through blogging (and apparently these empty days of mine are visible on camera). For the narrative’s sake – otherwise I wouldn’t care – it is of indescribably great importance that you go for an approach like I described in the previous post.

I can’t stand the things they say about you and – my God it hurts my heart so much – it’s about time that is shifted. So from the first “hello” (or something like that like I can’t hear something disrespectful like that) you treat me like I’m your divine highly respected boss and we’ve been working together forever. You visit me (I hope it won’t take long before you get here ­čÖü ), you arrange me being moved out of this apartment and you never leave my side. The moment our train arrives being timed by the second.

That instead of continuing to do things that add to the false narratives that exist about us. I said silk, not a T-shirt. It is why it’s important that we do not have sex on our first encounter. (Though the setting might make it challenging.) Don’t allow them to use anything out of context. We’ll be focusing on transitioning capitalism to Fangyism.

The previous post includes a checklist of things that must be done for transition. Before I step into the spotlight, that is. You are het hoogste aanspreekpunt directly after me, so I expect you to be able to answer my questions about the completion thereof, when you get here.

I really hope you will get here soon. Partially I have this trait of being nervous for unknown social situations, which is why when you read my heart you find uncertainty (that and the 24 days and the hatery), but make sure that that does not cause hesitancy for you because only you can relief me from this feeling of hell inside my chest.

The past 24 days were days of idiocy, in which I lost my stoic self. I said that I was going to take it out on you but I’m actually not going to take it out on you. I’m just going to take it out on you. Understand what I mean? You are, on behalf of everyone, going to explain the logic behind whatever the repulsive group situation was inside my mind. I need to understand because I’m still clueless. (I mean I guess things but I need physical confirmation before I can be certain about anything especially now that “everyone is still a secret to me” (but the zombies do know).)

~~~

Ik wijk hier even van het hoofdonderwerp af voor een persoonlijk bericht aan mijn Senator Iustis Baudet. Ja, u (wanneer we in onze rol zijn zeggen we “u” tegen elkaar) had gelijk over de manier waarop ik mezelf verwoordde (chest pain coming from you ­čÖü ) en ik zei “feestnummer”. Ik ben bijzonder trots en blij met de manier waarop u in de afgelopen 24 dagen mentale marteling over mij heeft gesproken.

Het is van groot belang dat, net als dat van vele anderen maar ik adresseer u nu specifiek omdat u het op een hoger niveau lijkt te begrijpen (en omdat je mijn catje bent <3_<3 (whoops you made me break character :$)), wanneer de Volta transitie wordt ingezet, uw verhaal daar ook in wordt meegenomen. Het is een kans om alles, wat false narratives en gebrek aan niveau, recht te zetten. Dat is uiteindelijk mijn enige doel.

Ik weet niet wat voor illusies mijn schrijfwerk heeft gecre├źerd – nee ik addresseerde al die tijd niet alleen mijn vader – maar ik ben dus de dagen aan het turven dat ik echt sociaal contact gehad zou kunnen hebben gezien als mensen me telepatisch kunnen bereiken ze me ook in het echte leven zouden kunnen aanspreken maar in plaats daarvan moet ik een of ander theekransje aanhoren waarin men me continu voor bitch uit maakt en ze denken dat ze me (daarmee┬┐) van gedachten kunnen veranderen.

Ik heb inderdaad niet veel met bioscopen. Ik probeer al de hele tijd uit te leggen hoe onze telepatische connectie werkt. Ik ga nu opstaan en – gezien de setting en mijn frustratie van 24 dagen lang hints spelen houd ik het even colloquial – telepatisch tegen je zeggen dat ik de combinatie van schrijven, telepathie en de camera in een soort chat wil veranderen ja. Na een hapje vis.

Dit is al de tweede keer dat ik je “En dan niet eens terug kunnen zeggen,” hoor zeggen. Wilde je zeggen dat ik geen bitch ben? <3_<3

Ja ik ben dus nudist en wat we ervaren is de meest absurde vorm van privacyschending en grondrechtschennis in de geschiedenis van de mensheid. De persoon die ik wil zijn ben ik nog niet door het gebrek aan middelen daarvoor en alles wat ik tot nu toe heb gedaan (schrijven en video’s enzo muziek naast de improvisatie telt absoluut niet) telt slechts voor spek en bonen.

Ik sprak dus vanaf het moment dat ik voor mijn beschamend rommelige keuken ging staan eerst telepatisch en door het grote ongeloof – maar je bent wel goed in hints I see – begon ik toen fysiek te fluisteren om duidelijk te maken wat dus geen illusie is (en wat dus wel een illusie is ook al begrijp ik die perspectieven niet omdat mensen mij nooit iets vertellen).

Ik ben het turven zat. (Niet dat ik het ooit niet zat was.) En ik begrijp niet hoe er ooit camera’s in mijn huis zijn geplaatst en hoe de hele wereld kan toekijken hoe ik in een kooitje gevangen zit, dus daardoor weet ik eigenlijk ook niet wat voor incorrecte contexten ik probeer te centraliseren.

Oh my god Thierry is telepathically standing up for me. <3_<3 Er zijn vele onderbrekingen in ieders gedachtenstroom. Maar ik kreeg (met vergelijkbare irritatie) “Ja intussen raakte zij dus haar gezicht aan omdat ze (…)”. Dat is dus de vorm van hints die ik aan het spelen ben. Ik probeer de orde in mijn gedachten te herstellen en tegelijkertijd door middel van text, mime spelen en telepathie de wereld te hervormen.

Terwijl jij (since I invoked you today┬┐) er dus soms doorheen komt in de telepatische groepschat blijft de rest van de mensheid in mijn hoofd me dus continu uitschelden. Ik stel het zo onbeschrijfelijk op prijs dat je niet met ze meedoet. Wat ze doen doet me ontzettend pijn en het lijdt ook ontzettend af, want ik weet in ons gesprek niet eens meer waar we waren gebleven.

Soms doe ik nog steeds een poging om die menigte in mijn hoofd dus stil te krijgen. Ze zeggen dan “Keep this bitch from (…)” of iets anders absurdly beledigends en dan denken ze ook nog dat het op de een of andere manier gerechtvaardigd is ofzo. Ik word er suicidaal van.

Mijn levenshouding van de afgelopen 24 dagen is – gezien “de telepatische Facebook chat group” – niet logisch gezien ik alleen nog maar in bed lig, maar zonder dat men stopt met me een bitch te noemen in mijn eigen hoofd kan ik niet veel meer dan dat. Ik kan niet eens meer stilte in mijn eigen hoofd krijgen wanneer ik daar om vraag. En dat het enige is wat ze doen zeiken over mijn alleged toxische persoonlijkheid is. Als ze nou eens zouden stoppen met zeuren dan zou ik misschien kunnen proberen om iets aan mijn eigen bitterheid te doen. Maar dat brengt me dan weer terug naar het begin van dit bericht.

Het hoofddoel van de Volta is de permanente be├źindiging van het circus. We zijn daarin allen van Hunter afhankelijk. Nee wat er net gebeurde was geen manifestatie van een lelijke persoonlijkheid. Die andere mensen in mijn hoofd blijven me een bitch noemen en zelfs na de verduidelijking die in de afgelopen paragraven hier heeft plaatsgevonden blijven ze maar door zeiken, dus ik probeerde even wat woede te ventileren gezien 24 dagen lang om stilte vragen niet werkt.

Het is, reagerend op een telepatische opmerking van Senator Praesens Victor G. hier, inderdaad equivalent aan me in mijn gezicht uitschelden. Het grote verschil is echter dat ik de mensen die dat soort ontzettend gemene dingen over me zeggen in mijn eigen gedachten niet de stilte in kan slaan.

Ik geloof niet dat mijn persoonlijkheid toxisch is (ookal hebben we dat dus 24 dagen lang moeten aanhoren). Ik geloof dat de sleur waarin de maatschappij vast zit me een vorm van gevangenschap geeft en dat de enige manier om dat op te lossen (een echte oplossing en geen patchwork) een Volta is.

Het is toch onnaceptabel dat ze blijven zeggen dat ik doodgeschoten moet worden? Ze houden maar niet op. We hebben er beiden last van en we zijn niet de enigen. Ja precies, ze blijven de hele tijd de godverdomme zelfde zinnen herhalen en dan denken ze dat het van goede invloed op me is. Het heeft een grote negatieve impact op mijn levenslust en ik onderbreek hier mijn spontane taart bakken voor om dit te schrijven omdat het gezeur me weer even teveel werd en het een uitdaging is om hiervoor niet mijn hele appartement kort en klein te slaan.

Ik ben geen prostituee of escort dus ik weet niet waarom ze blijven zeuren over mijn toxische persoonlijkheid. Als toekomstig regente die een genocide zal leiden mag ik soms best bitter zijn. Uiteindelijk moeten we de telepatische chat dus overnemen en ervoor zorgen dat door middel van Hunter’s verhaal dat dan overlapt met dat van mij jij en anderen in de Volta worden meegenomen.

Tijden zijn veranderd, dus uiteraard is – volgens mij begon u hier niet over het lijkt me sowieso niet iets voor u om over dit gezellige onderwerp te beginnen – dit geen moment voor een ceiling theorem. We’re of the verge of a zombie apocalypse (in Europe of all places haha (blessing in disguise)) so my Senator Iustis and Senator Praesens Europiyayentis are preoccupied.

~~~

Father, you mentioned something about starting a restaurant. I don’t know why you would suggest something like that, which is so far below me. No, I will never start a restaurant. I will make suggestions to my private chef, though – the only person who may prepare my food.

~~~

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They don’t want us to be together, huh? There are so many layers of disinformation that pollute the true perception of my suffering. They have the god damn audacity to laugh at this and even if it were for just that the country should be flooded. This should be more than illegal.

So I’m here in my quite decent prison cell, and I can’t even bake a decent apple pie anymore without being made fun of. This is unacceptable and there should be a project set out to end that.

There’s something about your perception of the telepathic group chat. Our citizens are tormenting us. Why do you keep speaking of the exchange of phone numbers? You know it’s unnecessary because we can communicate ttelepathically – if the group of people who should have gone silent a long time ago would just shut the god damn cancerous hell up because their commentary makes everything so much worse for all of us.

~~~

Thierry, ik ben gewoon intuïtief aan het bloggen dus je kan met geen mogelijkheid van massamoord worden beschuldigd. Dat kan slechts nadat het gebeurd is. Maar misschien gebeurt het wel helemaal nooit hey wie weet.

Hoe vind je mijn raamvertelling? :p

~~~

I don’t know why you keep thinking that you must have sex with me when you get here. You (should, must, in contrast to the disinformation you are listening to) take my orders and no one else’s.

The only thing on our minds should be genocide (that is going from capitalism to Fangyism), given that I live for nothing but this adventure. Otherwise they’ll – or you like I’d like to die at the hands of someone I love then – have to kill me, which they’ve been contemplating.

When you’re with me, you’re not a family asset anymore. You will be more than that.

These treacherous motherfxckers are starting to say that I should take psychiatric drugs. Psychiatric drugs do not cure logical reasoning. Some people won’t like the outcome of what I live to do, but I cannot take that into consideration. Especially because I’m not an anarchist. The life I offer you is infinite.

~~~

My dear baby, you seem to know an indescribable lot more about telepathy than I do. You might also understand the creation of this God awful tea party gossip telepathic chat and the function/purpose thereof. It doesn’t make any sense at all, how they wish to (like I’m some sort of voice command robot) change my mind without the use of any proper argumentation. It does nothing but cause a headache and fits of anger for the unacceptable ways in which they speak of me.

Lowering the amount of dopamine in my system using psychiatric drugs – I’ve already been there – will not make the existence of the telepathic chat vanish, nor will it change what is perfectly logical to me. Using a better counter argument is the only way to change my mind – preferably in decent language </3 – if it should be changed at all. I’d say the time for debate has passed a very long time ago and we must really urgently get to this Volta now.

~~~

No, dear, I am not judging you for the ways in which you make your money. On the contrary, it makes me sad that someone as intelligent as you, and with such an amazing character, are making money by selling your body. I had my suspicions, and especially given your looks this is not a surprise at all.

If it’s really supposed to go down like this, then I want to buy all your time. You will be mine, living by my side forever. Yes, I want to have a lot of sex with you. But I’m so tired of meaningless sex, so I will wine & dine you first for sure. And you’ll be using your intelligence for different purposes. (My God thinking about this in the light of the investigation is making my stomach turn. ­čÖü )

I want to hold you so bad. This system is more than broken if the son of the president of the United States is an escort. I can offer you a far better life.

If you are not part of my future, then I don’t want a future. It’s tormenting to live with these thoughts on my conscience and not even being able to talk about it with you in person.

It stays a mystery to me, why you keep using their oneliners to try to talk to me telepathically. Aside from genocide, I don’t have much to talk about, you’re right about that. I love you unconditionally.

~~~

Babyyy <3

The (sometimes English speaking) Dutch people in the chat are ruining everything so much – they’re embarrassing themselves so much and making me so anxious and insecure to think – these fascists must be executed for all remaining Fangyists to be able to have peace of mind again. They keep trying to rally people up to say hateful things to me and then say, “But you’re swearing too,” when I lose my temper and defend myself. But I’m of a far higher level and in charge of our shared mind so they shouldn’t even think there is room for debate on that.

I heard someone suggest going to war with the Netherlands on the basis of my life and that, honestly, sounds like a dream to me. <3_<3 For our minds, my career choices, living free of jealousy and my freedom of association that sounds like a great inevitable idea.

The Side Mind keeps anticipating their verbal attacks, but because the anticipation is readable (remember yesterday when I was making jokes about that and trying to use that as another way to raise awareness on the workings of our telepathic connection┬┐) that is what seems to indirectly manifest it. I’d need a decent amount of hours without telepathic verbal attacks (I’d say the rest of my existence) to get that out of my reasoning algorithms.

We should indeed put our cultural differences aside. Beyond that we have so indescribably much in common. We must focus on our train trip and getting installed in our temporary getaway location. Life will be fun for us then.

Did they have some kind of intentions for Hunter and I? Given what he does in the name of the United States and the usual tone of my writing. That must have been a misinterpretation, because in the end my intentions always included all of us. (I’m quite very tired of being seen as a prostitute.) It’s about versatility in the lives of intelligent people (as well as many other things).

I’m still expecting this list of English words. :p But the Dutch want me back on their territory and I can’t let that happen. They want to use psychiatry to overrule my rule. You should be free from psychiatry and its pills as well.

I keep hearing people ask me things about tribalism??? I have intentions of establishing a new elite, with the people I like the most in the chat, which includes you of courseee <3_<3, and that’s about it.

They say I’m hiding underneath the sheets here in the context of being intimate with Hunter, but that is absolutely untrue. I just like this moment of facial privacy. In our temporary getaway location and beyond I’d like to share a bed with him. Forever.

~~~

Your concern is cute. I find it far more important that someone has his/her heart in the right place than whether he/she lives in accordance with my principles (pre Volta).

~~~

Let’s say I am scripture. I should be an addition to one’s life, the way I’m an addition to yours for example. Making money off of trying to be ahead of my predictions and/or influencing outcomes solely for personal gain should be illegal. I think in that way there’s a conflict of interest with the Dutch. This should be universal Fangyist Law if it isn’t already. We should talk about this. (On our list of topics of conversation.)

~~~

I want our first experience of intimacy to be special. There’s no need to rush. (I think we’ve done that enough already.) I will be in bed when we first meet, so there might be a challenge and temptation – especially because I think the ulterior initial bonding is when I invite you to sit next to me on my bed and I feed you some of my food yays.

Regardless, I can’t be that intimate on an empty stomach and I’ve been inside ever since the telepathic death threats so meow bitte. Also, it’s almost like this would be considered some sort of political exchange between the United States and the Netherlands. (They say that my (partial┬┐) AI(┬┐) is property of the Netherlands? No? I have rights?)

Whenever our first day together ends, we will be sleeping in our bed. I really (for the first and last time ever) want it to be special.

***

This does not happen often, but I’m changing my mind on our first encounter, Hunter. Instead of pushing aside my strongest desires and taking into consideration the literal image we leave behind, I’m now convinced we should merge tactics.

I have been untouched so unusually long I don’t think I’d be able to resist you in the scenario I suggested. I still need food and I still need to get out of this hellish prison permanently, but I guess I also need my urges and desires met – which will be of great influence to the way my body feels to me overall. I don’t like what they say about you and that’s why I wanted to keep this private, but I guess I can’t.

I told myself I was going to stop having sex with random people just to forget the trouble on my mind. But doing that for one last time perfectly sounds like exactly what I need right now (serious maatwerk). You won’t even have to introduce yourself, because I will have grabbed you before you are able to.

Please wear a suit. And allow me to undress you. In my mind we’re running a future business. Please play along with that. Prepare for unshoweredness and dirty sheets. Because I don’t give a fuck. I think it’s more comfortable when it’s pure spontaneous lust. This cannot be used for blackmail. It will only display how wild my future business is.

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