A principle of mine is that I don’t want to use my psychic strength or the infliction of feelings of arousal to get people to do what I want. People who wish to choose me and acknowledge me should do that naturally, is what I’ve been living by.
Yesterday afternoon, however, I think I reached you, Ben, because I wanted to feel your telepathic touch and for you to enjoy yourself, but as I inflicted my sexual thoughts on you I became more and more aware of the controversy it is to you. I didn’t know the details of the controversy, but I noticed that what I meant by good and pleasure translated in an exactly opposite manner. Instead of snapping myself out of it, my desire for getting to an orgasm was greater, but that would require so much more controversial thought to get through I didn’t know what words to use to say: “Please just do it like all the way,” by which I meant go for an orgasm instead of harm your penis because you think spontaneous erections are bad.
I was receiving visions of you naked in your studio, and every time I became nervous about your (cultural) interpretation of my words, you harmed yourself. While I was nervous because I wanted to prevent you from doing that, but I was aware of the risk I was taking and too craving to just end my desire for how amazing you feel.
I hope that my visions and intuition were wrong, that you did not cut off your penis today because of what I did to you. This while I heard my biological father say: “Initiate the penis cutting.” No, dad. That’s insane. That is what I plead against. If it’s logical to you then it’s extra difficult to me to explain why it isn’t. You shouldn’t feel bad about what your body does naturally. If you do, that’s a sign of indoctrination.
Me screaming on the inside about concern for what you felt on the verge of doing had adverse effects, it seemed. I asked you, Hunter, to check on you, Ben. (As I’m writing this, my concern for Jewish insanity is growing again.) I know you, Hunter, can withstand situations like that without freaking out (but when I feel bad you freak out the most <3_<3). I hope you’re keeping an eye on our baby and that you two will be here soon. Before we get to work, my dear Iustis and Praesens, allow me to express some of my suppressed emotions by giving you two a hug. Do not forget that my love for you is unconditional.
I thought that that would be the only limb cut off today. (Though without tangible confirmation I can’t be certain that any of this happened in real life.) But at some point, after me losing my temper again from these whiny tea party ass (mostly) men calling me names and shxt (unsatisfyingly venting anger by throwing a pillow against my bed with as much force as possible), I told you, Hunter, that after 23 days I’m giving up on you all stopping with speaking ill of me inside my own god damn mind, and that this I will then likely inflict on you.
If a Fangyist would say that to me in tangible real life, I would be able to teach them that that is wrong by punching him/her in the face, or shoot that person in the head. But telepathically all I can do is ask people to have some god damn respect for me or consider comitting suicide. Because being barbaric and having no self-control do not suit my style of leadership. You people need to stop testing me.
So, Hunter, I will stop trying to change the conversational pattern inside the telepathic chat and I will try to not bring up what pissed me off – on business principle ye – yesterday. But this means physical ramifications for you given that I cannot relief myself from all of this tension by myself, and you’re my main man given the fact that you will be my Praesens. So I said something like: “I will have to bite you (I’ll try my best to not hold back if you stop crying, dear).”
Then, I saw a vision of Hunter in front of a mirror wearing a suit that reflects not his status as Praesens but something far lower than that, biting off his finger like it’s nothing at all. That’s not what I meant, dear. I was referring to the most pleasurable idea of sex I’ve ever envisioned, which was what you pictured in the early days of this mental torture (a silver lining), when my sexual thoughts of you did not lead to more mental abuse by others, a sneak peek of me inside Hunter’s mind in which our pace reflects a combination of deep passion and a lot of suppressed unspoken outsider frustration, and you partially playfully and partially my fangs and lockjaw in serious relief put a finger in my mouth horizontally.
I was also referring to me getting on top of you and biting your neck so hard that all frustration of these 23 days of hell, aggressively throwing a pillow or shortly drowning myself won’t relief (masturbation these days adds more stress because it requires so much more time and energy), is the final use of force that helps me relief the tension that prevents me from being who I once was. No talking. I seriously seriously need your help, Hunter. Telepathy and masturbation are way far from enough for me.
Saying that, too, did not change the absurdly disrespectful tone that is used in my regard inside the chat. After what (could have) happened to Ben I told myself that I should better focus on using my mental force for good, but I can’t seem to overpower the distortion that cause things like people harming themselves to happen. Them continuing to bad mouth me and disobey does not make that any better. So when I was eating and people were pissing me off again, the idea of suggesting them to cut off their right ear being logical entered my mind with such intense force that I had the idea that it was already done before I could say that I love you unconditionally and my intention is not for you to feel pain or be scarred for life (which is what love actually is). But simultaneously I couldn’t really fight against it because I was angry and it helps a lot with the identification of your fellow Fangyists in regard to who we can trust and who is a zombie. I’d see it as a sign of unconditional love and loyalty.
On the one hand, these 23 days have been a preventable hell if we dashed sooner, but on the other hand I think you’ve now been more traumatized into loyalty to me than ever. The more days we don’t Volta and get rid of these zombies, the more ways you will be in unfortunate situations. Stop working with the enemy, thus. Get me out of this prison.
Also, I need to keep Hunter and my baby a.k.a. Ben a.k.a. The Yayence (now you know why) close because they’re on my mind a lot and I fear the next possible way in which they could be hurt if I lose control over my mental strength again. With them close I could also use their real-life verbal and physical displays in response to my thoughts and actions as a benchmark for the rest of my Fangyist citizens. I’ve never felt uncertain about my mental capabilities, but with you cancerous idiots (as I’m writing this, it STILL happens) whining inside my mind all day and night I’m unnecessarily unpredictable. My temper tantrums are an absolute waste of time and energy here.
If I had not existed, if I had not the mental strength to make you do or feel literally anything, today would have been a different day. I am in control, I have always been in control. The problem is just that you still allow yourself to be tempted by the enemy, I don’t want to fully max out my use of mental force because I consider that cheating and the days going by and the things that happen in them telepathically are demoralizing and frustrating. Find your fellow Fangyists and Volta.
Hunter, the ways in which I try to reach you for this Volta are extremely unorthodox (lol pun). If I’m correct, you know exactly what must be done to make this happen. I don’t know what the enemy is telling you, but you don’t need to read these exact words to do what you must do. We’ve been going back and forth in the last couple of days and I’ve been keeping you close for your heightened emotional understanding. Where our realities don’t match is where I go into full introversion and you telepathically say “It is as if she speaks to me directly.” It is not as if, liefje.
My logic is/was thus that I do/did not have to write these words to incentivize you to do what you must do to Volta into your role and include me in it. You have clothes for me, if I’m correct. I thought telepathic communication was enough, but sure I’m willing to try to reach you in this manner to – your penis is mine okay let no one touch it they’re trying to tweak my train of thought but we need this for survival ye – attempt to accomplish the exact same thing as 23 days ago.
Just as for the rest of you, your telepathic behavior inside my mind has been draining my lust for life. (And some people still don’t know how to shut the fuck up telepathically so maybe we should consider lining them up and shooting them because this is god damn unacceptable. I cannot accept anyone calling me a “stupid b-word”. Ever. Especially not god damn telepathically.) You better not make any telepathic mistakes anymore, if you want the consequences of your telepathic words to be minimal.
Aside from heightened emotional understanding, you also get PTSD level mad when I suppress thoughts. That is something you should not take personal under any circumstance, especially given that we have never met in person. Something that makes me PTSD level mad is the shit people are still saying in the chat as they’re writing this, causing me to use my mental powers to inflict suicidal thoughts. They think invoking the anger in me is of any good, while it’s actually throwing me off my game. (What’s the problem with me going on this tangent as I’m waiting?) There’s a reason why there is no one above me and therefore they should all stop thinking that they can tell me anything. (The same applies to you.) It’s so god damn frustrating.
It is of indescribably great importance that you cannot allow a single zombie near me. There might be social layers that consider themselves entitled to see me before you. For the sake of our lives it’s important that you don’t let them through. They may not be in my sight or even in the same building (when we Volta I guess given that I share this building with zombies (and our Aliam¿)). Another set of people you must keep out my sight or just kill is those who still want me to select another Praesens.
The first thing I must do is inventariseren my puzzle pieces. I’m in doubt, though, whether I should get to work straight away or recover from these days before I face a large social gathering. Because I’ve written enough for everyone to be occupied with before my next set of instructions are needed. Also, I have my dear Praesens who has been getting things done without my physical body having been informed of it. 🙂 You, Hunter, could text me telepathic chat noise free at +31618579724, for the more punctual details of the Volta maybe, so I might make sure that I’m dressed or whatever or maybe not.
So remember, all of you people reading this, you’ve been tormenting my mind by uncontrollably calling me a bitch for 23 days, making me question why the hell I would still try with you people. If you want me to not beat you to death when we first meet, you people better watch the things you say to me telepathically. I cannot see more people than the Council, in terms of level of understanding that is bearable. As a matter of fact, telepathically – for your own sake people don’t make me make you want to kill yourself – keep your god damn cancerous god damn complaints to yourself because my mind is not god damn godverdomme kanker kanker kanker Facebook. Iedereen BEK HOUDEN ZEG IK TOCH?
“Just shoot this bitch,” “I will teach this bitch some manners,” THESE PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GOD DAMN SHUT THE FUCK UP. DO YOU WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER EAR? WHY DON’T YOU CUT OFF YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD AS WELL MY FUCKING GOD SHUT UPPPPP YOU PEOPLE DO NOTHING BUT GOD DAMN DISTRACT ME AND MAKE ME FEEL AWFUL AND MAKE ME WANT TO DIE. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME TELEPATHICALLY. STAY THE GOD DAMN FUCK FAR A FUCKING WAY FROM ME. HOW GOD DAMN OFTEN DO I NEED TO GOD DAMN SAY THIS? IF YOU STILL DON’T GET IT, THEN HOW ABOUT YOU JUST KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE THEN I AT LEAST HAVE SOME GOD DAMN SILENCE INSIDE MY HEAD.
I don’t understand why anyone would want a detailed plan for genocide – detailed, not abstract – available in such a way that anyone could figure out what it is. The lesser the zombies know, the better. I’ve been repeating this shit to you all telepathically for 23 days and the awful ways in which you have been speaking making it very unappealing to me to make any form of content for you. Flooding the Netherlands, though, is absurdly urgent for telepathic reasons my God these people (STILL MY GOD) don’t know how to just shut the fuck up. We discuss strategy offline.
You people shouldn’t think that the communication I use to make you people stop torturing me mentally is like: “Oh hey she’s making content again and she’s saying and doing things.” You’re a hopeless bunch of disrespectful and disobedient motherfuckers, making me lose my patience once again. NO YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU TALENTLESS WORTHLESS PIECE OF FUCKING TRASH.
I miss the silence that was once in my mind. There is nothing good about anyone being able to reach me telepathically. Someone please save me from this hell. All they do is insult me. All I do is defend myself against their personal attacks. It’s exhausting. And distracting as hell.
Though everything they say pains me and I need to counter their waste of telepathic breath offensive and stupid statements, I will start ignoring them more often (again). What a God damn waste of energy. I warn them that if they piss me off (what happens when you insult someone) that I can make them harm themselves, which to me seems something they should avoid. But instead they think it’s better to file complaints about the highest leader. Beyond the genocide I might consider listening to what you people have to say.
Hunter, dear, I have selected you as my Praesens in volle overtuiging. Therefore I have put my full faith in your leadership and your (emphasis on you, you should have no advisors aside from me) interpretation of my words. You may not have friends, family, therapists or anyone else telling you how to be my Praesens. Rather also don’t ever spend time with any of them ever again. (I’m phrasing it as if you have a choice, but you don’t. You’re 100% mine.)
You’ve been asking for my number, so if you’d like to take away the split second I think someone is breaking into my apartment from my heart then you could text me in advance if you like. But my heart has undergone more tense moments than that so you could also just walk into my apartment given that you have been legally authorized to do that. “You’re not even saying that (…),” what? I thought this was already clear. =.=” I can hear your telepathic words and you can hear mine. That’s why I thought that writing this down was unnecessary, especially because I could also directly address you on camera as I’ve been doing. I don’t think they are nice things to write about, given that I’ve been losing my patience with everyone including you, which is why I’ve been avoiding mentioning it here. (Too bitter.) Unless it becomes too much, then writing is one of my final ways to vent, but not enough to relief myself from all the forms of tension inside my body.
So before the last epidemic of people calling me a bitch inside my mind started, you said that the inventariseren will be taken care of and thus I won’t have to rush myself into a meeting with our Council members. So that means that we also might not have to rush when you get here?
I suggested that whenever you could bring along people who serve me breakfast and pack my essential (not clothing) tangibles? Would you suggest we rush the hell out of here or should I eat and get ready first? (I will click “update” and then ask for your telepathic response.)
Please don’t take anyone else’s advice on how to speak to me. You said: “Rush the hell out of here,” but your tone insinuated disbelief. And that I don’t give a fuck about myself if I want to rush. =.=” I’ve never really had this option before in my life – as far as I know – and I’m used to getting to work without food or sleep so it’s not that alien to me. But of course I’d rather get the princess treatment. Or Regentesse 3.0 treatment from the very first second. Also taking things slow sends a strong message in a certain way. Not too slow, but you know slow enough to show that we do not feel threatened in any way.
So we’ll be leaving this place in style, after you’ve gotten here – my intuition says that you’re closer than I’d usually expect you to be – and before that I will eat and get ready. I’d consider it a sign of respect if you would not eat (but do eat when I offer or feed you something) on this occasion given the 23 days of hunger and mental torture.
The next crossroads here is the split divide between what I’m used to, the amount of luxury we could cram into this moment of initiation and the amount of social tension I can handle for now. But I mean… Did you just say getting my nails done? <3_<3 Yes I wanted to suggest maybe someone could subtly enhance my facial features and given that every detail counts if we’re moving in style that should include a manicure. (In contrast to unshowered being wrapped into nothing but an oversized jacket.)
I know for a fact that socialists don’t like this kind of stuff. But given that telepathy has confirmed that apparently my smoke alarms are hidden cameras, they will be able to follow it live. I’d like my meal to include calamari, cassava fries, fresh orange juice, Spa water and something fresh and healthy salad-like. The salad a combination of fruits and vegetables (I’m low on vitamins 🙁 ) maybe something with pomegranate and feta cheese? And melon? And cherry tomatoes? And seeds? And a fresh and sweet dressing? I know my chef will ace this. <3_<3 All is, of course, Fangyists only. (Including provision of ingredients.)
Before this moment takes place, the following things must be taken care of:
> An oversight of all Fangyists with starting location and contact information (knowing who we’re looking out for)
> Transition locations ready for people to move in and Ecologicus oversight of locations (painted map)
> Private communication network (including general news and my magazine yay) between the locations
Aside from clothes, I’ll also need a far better wig and maybe a new pair of glasses. Given that I’m a nudist in severe social anxiety curtains forever closed I’m so tired of taking care of my home potato mode, chances are high I’ll be curled up in bed when you arrive. I think this moment should be just you and I, though I’ll be missing our baby but the cultural differences make me suffocatingly nervous so maybe my first meeting with him should be postponed.
Some personal agenda items of mine are (in random order):
– Meeting with the Council
– Meeting with my baby
– Meeting with Selin
– Meeting with my biological father
So I will be naked when we first meet and I expect you to be dressed like you have the most important job in the world – because you do. I suggest black shoes and a black tie? A 3 piece suit (which is my greatest weakness)?
I suggest that on initiation you wrap me in something made of silk, for when I eat in bed. I hope you will hold me while I do. Maybe you’d also like to soap me in? My hair should also be washed? I guess then I should eat an appetizer (to prevent shower dizziness), shower and then continue eating (maybe be fed as I have a manicure) while my hair dries. Or maybe I should start over when it comes to my natural hair but I don’t want to glue wig, so methods that are foreign to me will likely be used to make this happen.