Okay okay okay

This blog still functions as a medium I use to express myself when something bothers me. I just want to use it less because I don’t want mainstream people to, now that I’m advertising, mistake this for me wanting their attention or something. I don’t want their attention and I absolutely do not care about whether they want their carcasses to be butchered or not. I just wanted to subtly expose the Dutch government.

Before I go back to enjoying not staring into a screen all the time, there are three things I want to mention. Let me start with the bad thing.


When I went grocery shopping yesterday, I went to Delhaize. Since the beginning of the pandemic, all shopping carts were “loose” because the use of them is obligated for the alleged 1,5m of distance it creates. (Though to the left and right of you it doesn’t do anything.)

Yesterday, however, though shopping carts are still obligated, they were chained again. A coin of €0,50, €1 or €2 was necessary to make use of them again. (The time before that it was also the case, but that time the cart I got from the row of carts was already unchained.)

So I was standing alongside the carts, looking for another abandoned cart. There was a woman standing next to me, clearly also unexpecting of the carts being chained again. I asked her: “Why is this?” (In Dutch.) She replies: “No, you have to use a coin for the shopping cart.”

I felt my hart beat staring to increase. Holding on for dear life, I was forcing myself to not “unleash” my temper problem. Usually when people mistake me for the dumbest person they have ever met, I just leave them in their illusion, crack a fake smile and walk away. But this time I could not keep myself from saying: “JA. DAT WAS EERST TOCH NIET ZO?” (“Yes. It didn’t used to be like that, right?” while unleashing part of my inner Rotterdammer.)

Then I just rolled my eyes and tried to stop a man asking for his shopping cart, who with hand gestures made clear that he was going to chain the cart. After that, I inserted a €2 coin into the cart, that was there with the other loose coins in the side pocket of my bag. (I call that preventing a murder. Or two.)

Hey if people want to fight against racism, I’m all for that. But if things like this are not rightfully considered racism then do not fucking talk to me. Yes, I know how to use a keyboard, I’m just wondering why a Dutch university uses French keyboards. Yes, I know how to use a shopping cart, I’m just wondering why people are suddenly forced to have spare coins (in an economy in which tangible money is used less and less) on them if the use of shopping carts is obligated. The vision people have of people of color here is out of control. (And I’m not the only one saying that.) But hey Delhaize toned down its stick-your-hand-in-this-machine fascism so I’ll give you that.


Though it has been very impactful, I did not mention coming across the most attractive Asian man I’ve ever seen, because I fear that he would then here read the underlying severity I’d rather tell him personally first. But I don’t know if he’ll respond to me again (thanks to all you motherfxckers that is now one of the main reasons why I’m contact adverse) and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to speak to him personally, but this is… Just impactful.

I do this for people like him. My concept for an economy that better allows people to build up wealth, ensures qualitative and healthy products et cetera. You know I’m not a fan of minimalism. I consider it a misconception that if you’re not a minimalist, you’re a greedy mindless selfish person by default. Not implying that he believes that. I’m saying that because just like with any other movement, if you derive from the core you’re very likely to be unrightfully demonized. There’s nothing wrong with knowing your self-worth. (Does parenting play a role in this?) That’s why I (strongly) dislike minimalism. Everyone my age and younger seems to have to not want a certain standard of living to be seen as a respectable person. My sister seems to have caught it as well. Sad.


This just coming in:

Stay indoors. (Not for corona.) & At this point they should just take down Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Whatsapp. Or all social media basically. (The elite organizes this shxt.)


I was sad to see him live in solitude and not being appreciated for the wonderful, adorable and intelligent person he is. He can do anything, just like me. That he thanked me for watching his video made me even sadder. Especially because in reality I was unable to watch it until the end because his lifestyle is shocking to me. 🙁

I have Surinamese roots, culture and have been there for a couple of weeks three times. It’s incomparable to life in urbanized societies. (I’m hesitant to share the video here because, especially after declaring him most handsome, I fear deriving him unjust traffic to him.) When I, in the process of looking at my short video from my 4 channels to like it when I just uploaded it, saw a video titled “Simple Life in Rural Japan” I was expecting to see the Japanese equivalent of life in Suriname.

But my first response was: “Oh my God, this is powder.” 🙁 Foods that can be made out of chemicals that can be created out of thin air are not healthy. 🙁 I know this is the food style that dominates urbanized Asian countries. (In the “Oriental” store – where products from China, India, Japan, Suriname etc. (basically everything non-Caucasian (like they also sell Jamaican-style ginger ale)) can be found – I randomly bought and tried an alternative brand of ramen noodles and was just shocked by the intensely chemical taste. (No idea what it exactly was supposed to resemble because I can’t read Japanese. (I do know the difference between Japanese and Chinese in sound and writing.)))

But Japan does also have a more traditional rural culture, right? With, for example, actual herbal tea? Are there still people who catch the fish for the sushi they eat themselves? Or has rural become all suburban? 🙁 Also, he seems to have the capacity for an occupation that is far more serious than what he’s doing right now. 🙁 I’d love for him to join the Council layer of my organization in some way. (Also because his English is very good haha his accent is sooo cuteee.)

Economically, though on surface level this might seem different, we’re in a similar situation. We’re the same age, when it comes to qualifications and network we both don’t have any forseeable prospects for the future, and we seem to both be living a lonely existence (and be very aware of these things). If I didn’t have the strong desire to be regent, I could imagine us living in solitude together. (Oh my g-god do you think he’s aware of what he’s doing by exposing his shoulders like that? <3_<3)

Brb x

17:35 (05:35 PM) CET

My bojo turned out decently, by the way.

I started writing because it was very difficult for me to get out of bed. Like I have to hold back so much anger while people keep smiling and shxt thinking that they’re fxcking supreme. But anyway I just had some yogurt and fed Bertje some spinach. I’ve decided to let him eat when I eat. He wasn’t able to hold in the spinach so I fed him some bloodworms. He has a lot less energy. 🙁 I need to clean his gravel.

I’ll get to point three later. Also given that I’ve already said so much, here’s the video I was talking about (I’d nickname him “Kiwi”. :3 ):

18:38 (06:38 PM) CET

Bert I is cursed. 🙁 Ick has come back 30 fold and after some time in his temporary jar one of his fins, now completely covered in ick bubbles, he can’t move anymore. 🙁 The forums say that it, in the end, just requires time, in regard to his fin. (But there’s still an ammonia spike that has to come and go. 🙁 )

In his jar, he vomited out his bloodworms as well and he was having shock spasms. But now in terms of his energy he’s doing a lot better again. And I’m glad I stil had a bottle of salt. Ever since he got here it has been a constant struggle for his health. 🙁 I wish he could just live with me forever. If I wake up one day and he’s not with me anymore, I’d be devastated. 🙁

I don’t feel like sharing the other things I wanted to mention anymore.

21:15 (09:15 PM) CET

Bertje’s fin is back in full movement. 🙂 I hope things will just go steadily from here on out. 🙁

22:42 (10:42 PM) CET

Photo by Ian Turnell from Pexels

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