What a Year

Haha wow, what a year 2020 has been. I can’t believe it’s already over. It feels as if we’re only halfway through. (I feel this is something that is said almost every year, but this time likely the fact that allegedly a vaccine would bring things back to normal but it never will is what enhances this “it’s not over yet” feeling while we’ve been at this for months.)

I had some New Year’s resolutions for 2020. In a tangible sense, I’ve accomplished none of them. But in my heart, I have accomplished all of them. For me 2020 has been one of the most impactful years of self-growth. My resolutions were:

1) Getting justice for myself

In a tangible, “outside myself” sense, I still haven’t had justice for myself. But instead of describing my case over and over again, which I used to do on LilFangs.com, my actions this year have shown the injustice in a different light: I have lived my life to the best of my ability, but the effects keep shining through, though I don’t really address them anymore.

I don’t know why but people pretend to not know about me. Which is great, because that means more undisturbedness for me. I don’t mind if they don’t get involved in what I will do with my tangible justice. But everyone now knows I’m the last person on the fxcking planet to whom a schizophrenia diagnosis applies. Everyone who from this point onwards insinuates something else, I will fucking kill with my bare fucking hands. A justified fxcking murder. There is justice when I am given the moment to shoot those who insisted on the diagnosis. Only then there will be peace in my heart.

2) Accomplishing the International Volta

Ehm have people not realized yet that only by Volta’ing with me your future will have yays? Hopefully in 2021, then…?

3) Becoming a zillionaire

That comes with my fxcking justice, of course. This has not happened yet, but in my heart I’m already wealthier than I’ve ever been. I’ve been able to afford myself a meal all year long, I’ve grown so much intellectually (from the moment I decided to take matters into my own hands), I’ve had every day now to snuggle up underneath the sheets and not feel guilty about it, in contrast to when being around people who have turned their backs on me, I feel comfortable in my own skin again (when I’m alone, or when I’m with good people) and I’ve been reacquainting with my instrument. <3_<3 In contrast to the stress every single media outlet projects on its audience, I’ve never lived more carefree.

I’m already telling you I’m not going to go along with that “Oh 2020 was the worst year ever. Don’t talk about it,” dumb shxt. The death related statistics are not much different from other years. People die every day. It’s all an exaggeration. Very fxcking dumb people permanently destroyed the economy and people elected a trash president. I wouldn’t call 2020 the worst year ever, but I would call it the dumbest year ever. What a waste of time, in a societal sense.

For 2021 I won’t state any resolutions (though basically 2020’s resolutions are persistent), but I do want to say this: I hope this year all beings on this planet will stop believing in this “We might have our differences, but we can live together” bullshxt. It clearly does not fxcking work. Genuine unity does not exist for people who want to get totally different things out of life. There’s no rocket science needed for that.

Instead of those fxcking endless debates about what the best way to live life is and how to run a society are not getting us anywhere. Let’s stop talking and start doing. That’s called living, you know. May the people with the most vital views live forever. My fxcking god.

01:45 (AM) CET

In the past I haven’t stated it as clearly, but I’ve very actively stopped giving people inspiration for solutions, because 9 out of 10 times their solutions worsen things and therefore it’s better to wait until the fundament from which they manifest their solutions is no more. Without my solutions, they don’t correct themselves. They won’t subject to me, so I have to wait until they have destroyed themselves. I must say it’s taking quite long. And hey, do what thou wilt, right?So, like, good job?

Though I was expecting to see the King of Texas once again, I really enjoyed tonight’s Timcast IRL conversation. It’s nice to hear identical senses of future direction being stated independently.

Ahahaha for me personally that virtual reality idea shoots shivers down my spine, but it does solve a lot. So for those who want to go for that I’d say definitely go for that. (I almost want to say I want to be in it, but simultaneously I don’t.)

I very much agree with that we should bring back real-life connection and that a lot of young people don’t know how to do things. Like changing a tyre, hanging a lamp, cooking, knowing how to follow news objectively. It’s one of the main reasons why I strongly prefer to be single (and alone).

About serious decisions rather being made by a billion people than by one person: if you’d compare this to horsepower, then yes of course a billion is better. And also if the one decision maker is some regular NPC, then also I’d say a billion is better. But for structure I think it is way better to say the fundament is based on the idea of one person and the billion could vote for adjustments, than to create one idea out of a billion different ideas and every voice being equally important. And I strongly, religiously believe that there are individuals who can perfectly make these decisions alone and have them be better than a collective effort.

As for my investigation, I think I can now safely conclude that Hunter is quite very much up to date with all right-wing entertainment. Ahahaha I thought I had the ability to be attached and detached like an on and off switch, but this man tore my chest muscles. </3 If you bring kusjes and gifts to my altar, you can get your yays back. Anyone?

I also spotted my main man T in the chat:

Haha I am yayed.

I’m about to do my night time routine. Bye. <3

05:03 (AM) CET

Ahahhaha this seems to be the best Oudejaarsavond I’ve ever experienced this far. Apparently I’ve slept through the entire day ahahaha. I woke up not so long ago, with some mental imagery on my mind that has strongly captivated me physically. I can’t disclose more information about this, given that the yays are not unlocked. u_u

It was my intention to make oliebollen today, but I don’t know… I had my yogurt just now and I don’t want to enter the new year cooking. We’ll see.

19:23 (07:23 PM) CET

Haha it’s quite funny how my “I don’t want to enter the new year cooking,” ended up making me think “Oh shxt I really need to start cooking rice,” because I’m still in bed. But let me not turn my quite severely depressed bed behavior into a fun topic.

Hold up I gotta check on my rice.


I feel there’s this hype to be doing something special when the clock strikes 12. (One of those cliché topics of conversation.) A couple of years ago I was throwing a house party. Two years ago let’s not talk about that. Last year I was taking a bath and this year I’ll be reasoning in peace underneath my cuddly sheets, with some tiramisu and red wine. Having a blast. After bringing my plate to the kitchen and putting away clean dishes.

23:43 (11:43 PM) CET

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