Heyyy liefjeee

Today will be a day of further gaming, hamburgers for lunch (to make fried chicken yesterday, I had to get a pepper out of my freezer, after which I wasn’t able to recreate the Tetris-like construction of this overly stacked compartment in my fridge, so it couldn’t close anymore apparently (luckily nothing has defrosted overnight), so I just took out some frozen beef to be able to close my freezer again, hence hamburgers for lunch), more exercise and, of course, as promised, I will tell you about yesterday’s dreams I made notes of. Also somehow I will have to vacuum clean.

Last night I didn’t dream (or the dream wasn’t memorable enough), so it will only be about yesterday. It took quite very long for me to fall asleep last night. Likely because of drinking cola and having a lot of screen time.

It’s quite crazy how we’re nearing freezing temperatures here and I still can’t sleep with clothes on and must have a window open during daytime. Usually I’m able to make my cold season exception, when it comes to wearing clothes, but doing that now I just can’t fall asleep anymore. And I principally never use the heating because that usually gives me a fever. Need kusje. 🙁

So yesterday I had two dreams. Two because – and I’ve rarely had that in the past few years – I woke up in the middle of the night and after falling asleep ended up dreaming once more.

In the first dream/nightmare (I used to dream of being haunted and shot and stuff so like these dreams are uncomfortable but not as scary as I used to have them) I was gaming with family friends in a tiny darkened bedroom in a warehouse during daytime. We then went outside and they climbed through chicken wire to get onto a metro platform without paying. I was still standing there on the other side like “Ehh are you sure we should do this? Tickets aren’t that expensive and easily available…” As happened far too often in my life, I got dragged into these small illegalities under “don’t be a pussy”. (Like drugs I used to refuse but other minor criminal things I’d often witness or, like not paying for public transportation, get dragged into sometimes.)

When I had climbed up on the platform, I saw this next level fat person trying to somehow do the same thing. (That person would have been able to tear the entire fence down.) There was another obese person, this one on the platform, grabbing her phone, saying, “I’m going to tell on you!”

Inside the aboveground metro – we were in Berlin – there were people checking tickets and the people I was with were fined. Unable to tell them to do the same thing because then I’d blow my cover, I grabbed my phone and said “Wait, I’m opening up the app to show my ticket,” while quickly purchasing a ticket online. I was slightly flirting with the mulatto lady ticket checker, speaking a few words in German and the rest in English.

We then were back at the warehouse house. They walked into the “room” – it was a square of wooden bars placed the way some walls are made – of this family friend who had a near death experience, and his appearance illustrated death and rock bottom ness. He was chilling on the floor with his back towards me, asking the others to hand him something. I didn’t go into the room. I was observing them, thinking (while in real life this used to be the opposite): “I’m the only one who is not smelly, purposeless and lazy.”

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After I fell asleep again, I dreamt that I was in this Dutch-style apartment building (the usually low one) that had a very narrow staircase that didn’t allow people to pass each other (anywhere). I had to climb 22 staircases up to get to my apartment. There was a family on its way down, but when they saw me and one of us had to decide to walk the other way because of how narrow it was, they said: “Nevermind. We’ll just not go outside.”

Then suddenly I was with a family friend who was wearing the same outfit as I only I was wearing a black shirt, black leggings, red heels, a red leather jacket and a red cicrular scarf and she was wearing white heels, a white leather jacket and a red scarf. She said: “Now I’m like you, right?” (Like I somehow have this regal demeanor and she believed to have the same.)

Then for a short while, my vision turned into that of a camera. As in I could see what was happening, but my body was not present. I was dreaming that I saw that a parent arrived at another parent (men) to pick up their baby boy and that that baby was sitting on the lap of this young girl (I’m terribleee at estimating children’s ages, but I think she was between 6 and 10 years old), facing her. It looked innocent.

But then the father picked up the baby and it turned out that the children were not wearing underpants and the baby was penetrating the girl there on the spot. Then both fathers looked surprised, genuinely clueless, like: “How does she know to perform this?” These were all people I don’t know.

Then I saw that Johnny from Snapchat was having this video phonecall with some white guy with light brown hair I’ve, as far as I know but you know, never seen before, who was talking about that young girl (like she knew it from him) like: “Bro sorry bro like I shouldn’t have done it but I did it bro.”

Then I was sitting on the right in the back in this small red car with black fabric seating, with Johnny from Snapchat next to me (taller than I), my sister in front of me and my father behind the wheel (he’d not fit into that car but he fitted into it comfortably somehow). West End Girls was playing. We were driving through the most colorful summery rural but domesticated (as in asphalt roads and stuff) nature I’ve ever seen “in person”.

When we were driving off a hill, the road curved left, but my father lost control of the steering wheel and we ended up in a grass field with cattle. Johnny and the car had disappeared. A giant angry Holstein cow came towards me, without words saying: “I won’t kill you if you go out the exact same route you came in.”

We walked that same route, following the car tracks, but the grass field ended with a puddle and across high, cut off layered sand, topped by a grass field, with long haired cats hanging on the side of it, each with a different color fur (like some black, some white and some brown orange-ish).

When we came closer, they let themselves fall into the water one by one, like in synchronized swimming. In the water there was green chicken fence (ish) sticking out (with the wooden bars like in the garden in Capelle), which we were holding on to.

We were stuck, since we were following the orders of the angry cow. There was this Dutch Karen with short light brown hair, red lips and glasses with wires on them on the tip of her nose, wearing a black t-shirt and black jeggings, looking at the layered sand (like how sometimes because of the Earth’s tectonic plates there can be high ground followed by low ground, but this was man made) narrating it as if she were a tour guide. She was talking as if she just realized the severe artificiality of Dutch nature, pointing at an ivy plant that had grown in between the layers of sand. One that never grows and never dies. She was talking about how she realized the severe meaningful nothingness of Dutch existence, about the severe risk of the entire country flooding and that had never happened before in human history. She realized that there is nothing they can do to prevent their fate. (Conclusions drawn based on her zweverig Dutch narrating.) It was painful to listen to. Something you’d rather avoid.

Then I was suddenly sitting across my grandfather in the living room of my parents’ house. He was looking the way he looked when he was already very sick but before the extremely severe health decline he went through before he passed away, wearing a beige woolen sweater with a zipper at the top. The “new kitchen unit” (the white cabinets that replaced that one table, if you know you know) was there and the chairs had the red fabric, good as new (two different eras of living room¿). As he was sitting, facing the window, I stood up and hugged him and kissed him on his cheeck and rubbed his shoulder, because I was very happy to see him. Then I sat down across him again. “Thank you,” he said. He looked empty, but happy that I showed him love. “Ahw no need to thank me,” I told him, while I acually really did need to hear that. “Thank you,” he said again. And again. And again. Then I woke up.

I’m very happy that I’ve seen my grandfather again, but my dreams are getting intenser and intenser again. I really need some weed and some kusjes, if I ever want this to become less. Like I wake up feeling uncomfortable and really wanting a hug and stuff. And a Tishe and my baby.

The morality thing I will share later. Late lunch timeee. x

13:33 (01:33 PM) CET

*sigh* images won’t upload again.

15:33 (03:33 PM) CET

I don’t know about blasphemous, but I do know about cancerous. We’re at this point where either we allow the world’s overpopulation to grow to the point where nothing is natural anymore and the overall quality of life will decline further and further. Like I don’t know about other countries, but in the Netherlands natural fruits and vegetables do not exist. Everything comes from genetically manipulated and artificially created seeds.

We could also “harvest the intelligent” and live natural lives again… (I don’t mean free of technology, but with a healthy balance between nature and technology.)

16:10 (04:10 PM) CET

I went for a walkkk.

And the trees are getting closer to baldness (I don’t know English biology terms hahaha). The scent of Autumn is amazinggg. (Even in this relatively populated area. (Please tell me it’s not an artificial scent haha…)) I don’t like being cold by myself, but other than that I love the cold seasons. (I also love the warm seasons though. But Autumn/Fall and Winter smell sooo much better.)

Last time I went for a walk, I walked from home, through the park, to the city center and back. This time…

As you may have noticed, yesterday’s post had the word “king” as a tag but then I ended up not elaborating on it because of spontaneous gaming and fatigue. But I wanted to say: “See, I told y’all Brussels sucks.”

King Bert strikes againnn. (How no one steps in in regard to the non-elected parliament that has taken over, I still don’t understand.)

I’m going to switch into my gaming gear.

18:20 (06:20 PM) CET

This is the first time I see someone with location Belgium trying to do this. (Like Germany and Brazil are among the more popular locations.) Baddd &that’s not even my fxcking username you stupid bxtchhh.

Also, by the way, I said that I need weed. But that’s illegal here (it used to not be illegal but a couple of years ago it was illegalized isn’t that interesting in contrast with countries legalizing it for the first time now (shout out 4/20losi crazy bxtchhh)) so I have no intentions to try to get it. I’d take it, though, if I’d be granted immunity beforehand. :p Haha please I don’t want to dream anymoreeeee. Unless it’s dreams of kusjes.

19:13 (07:13 PM) CET

The actual Lord of Zero Deats is liveee. Now I have non-solo gaming ambience yay.

20:45 (08:45 PM) CET

I forgot to take pictures of my progress. Before I stopped playing, the last thing I did was deliver drugs and a loose woman to a band. Gaming with live flute music in the background is a whole new experience. It was the ultimate yays.

I intend to take a quick shower and then go to sleep. Tomorrow I will see my babyyyay.

Nighty x

22:57 (10:57 PM) CET