This post does not include a recipe for or a reference to a recipe for fried rice. It just happens to be a concept that is related to my theme for today, but it has no influence on the theme. Haha just to be clear.
I think that in past blog posts I have also tried to explain this phenomenon or have already fully explained it, but regardless, it has evolved. The oven has warmed up, so I’m going to put my left over fried rice (and breaded lamb) in haha brb. x
11:17 (AM) CET
It will be my lunch. I had some Greek yogurt with honey, as usual, earlier.
What I still do frequently is check the statistics related to how often what pages have been visited by non-incognito visitors of my websites. Most of the time just to see which titles, but sometimes I re-read the posts.
It is crazy how, in terms of depression and wanting to kill people and stuff, I was feeling waaaayyyyyyyyyy worse back then. Like indescribably worse. 2016 – 2017 was the worst time of my life. Then there were the years before I reached my semi-freedom here in Antwerp.
It’s crazy how back then I was feeling way worse than now, but in my writing I pretended to be positive about everything. I’m never like that, in real life. Around new people or people with very different views I might pretend to be like that. But it’s so extremely fake that people sometimes just ask: “But what are you actually thinking?” And then I say: “Huh? What are you talking about? 🙂 “
Gotta fetch my rice. x
11:45 (AM) CET
11:53 (AM) CET
Haha random digression: while I was eating, I had this random flashback to when I was in Rome on a school trip. We had some free time and were walking around (I believe going to shops) near the Trevi fountain. At some point there were some grey haired businessmen passing us and one stopped walking out of nowhere to look at me like “Dayuuuuum”. And there where most of the time I am like *sighs* *rolls eyes* *ignores*, I also stopped walking. Because this guy was suuuper handsomeee. He had this short on the edges heartbreaker’s haircut and a perfectly whitened smile. Like usually the men who randomly approach me are not that handsome. I stopped walking too and looked at him like ” 😮 ” (I am nerd okay I am rarely as smooth as I want to be 🙁 (I was also never-been-kissed-etc-virgin back then)). He started speaking to me in Italian and before I could reply anything (in English) my friends were like: “Omg what are you doing???” pulling me away from him haha. And I was like “But he is suuuper handsomeee.” Then we laughed.
Anyway, back when I used to “write all happily all the time” I also had reported moments where I had great difficulty finding my lust for life. Often after trying to set up something new with which I tried to reach the masses. (Something I now don’t waste my time doing anymore. Fuck the masses.)
What still, just like back in my LilFangs.com era, gets me down at times is frustration about failure to succeed in something I’ve been putting targeted effort in. (When I was younger I just used to have random moments of tearless sadness in my bed wondering why life hurts so much. I don’t feel much of that pain anymore, where I’m at right now.) Like I can’t stand that I’m not making my own money.
But simultaneously, there is, within this socialist system, no given route that gets me where I want to be. Not even about the money: I mean in terms of the authority I wish to have over myself. As I described in the introduction of Volta, I wish to not live under the authority of any government anymore. By law, this seems impossible to achieve.
Aside from overthrowing all governments, there is no occupation with which I could provide for myself. There is no job interview I could fake smile myself through. Sure I’m very willing to help Thierry, but the strong way I feel about the state of Dutch politics makes any traditional route impossible for me.
Entire generations will never be able to move out, ethnicity based polarization has intensified permanently since the Floyd-based intervention, coronavirus policy is permanently destroying the economy, and so on. But what reaches the highest political offices in the land is literally a circus elephant:
This cannot be god damn serious. That that is a FEDERAL case is just… Like please just tell me that they are purposely making a mockery of that country because at least then I don’t have to worry about how fucking dumb people with authority are. Regardless, I do not want these people to have any authority over me. I do not want any government in any country anywhere to have any authority over me.
The indirect central theme for me today is my container of left-over fried rice from yesterday. I always look for general purpose, I always look for ways to give my individual days purpose, but today there is nothing at all. Just this container of fried rice. (Which has only one portion in it left, so I’ll likely be cooking again later. 🙁 I’m thinking of making wraps.)
What I’m banking on, though, is mankind’s destructive nature. As they seek for guidance, meaning and something to hold on to, they often do not realize what it is, in terms of the long-term impact of their actions, that they are actually doing.
Coronavirus policy is one of those great examples. With an unknown virus of which it is not sure if it will be an existential threat, I respect serious government interference and the rush to vaccinate everyone. But if it turns out that the virus is not that dangerous at all, the people in charge should adapt themselves accordingly and allow people to live their lives. They are not doing that. Instead, they are keeping their citizens in this headlock and try to push through in such a way that they will never have to admit that they have made a huge mistake. A mistake so huge they should all be impeached if not executed.
But another beautiful though saddening example is what they have done to my dear Thierry Baudet. People are too used to saying about anyone: “Yeah once he/she was all that but at some point everything just went downhill.” They are so quick to put that label on him that they are unable to see that he himself is not in decline at all.
Just like with slowly falling governments, it is when the opportunists have sucked all opportunity out of something or someone that I propose for it to become part of D.O.C.I.S. International. Short selling is always most convenient for me. Because my greatest wish is to never become a frequent media item. I just want to reach my objectives and earn a lot. Never do I want to be involved in that plastic shxt. My organization exists in full seclusion.
At times I was trying to grab the attention so I could expose them and shut them down, but I have now become so bitter that it is genuinely better for them to stay away from me. Truth can be so potent that it will make huge amounts of people want to kill themselves. But as a vulture of democracy I am here, still waiting for something.
I have some serious tasks pending. Not wanting to buy a different lamp and almost being past the “within 4 weeks” Ikea response time, I could try switching around the wires. Like the connection poles are, in the guide (and just usually) supposed to say L N, but on the lamp itself they are saying N L (please let that not be on purpose). So I switched the wires I connected accordingly. But maybe I should treat the N L as if it says L N and just stick to what is in the guide. I hope so, because I’ve been living without light in the living room for quite some time now. I also need to deep clean my toilet and mop the floor. But I’m now postponing these things because I can’t stand on my both feet for too long. Hopefully my foot will be healed soon.
13:55 (01:55 PM) CET
I say becoming independent from governmental authority is impossible, by the way, more as in elitist people only apply the law when it is in their favor and go above and beyond to keep their position. But in some sort of constitutional way, given how fucking trash governments are, there must be some sort of official path to legal independence. I bet my baby knows something about this.
I expect to see my baby again tomorrow I am so yayed. 😀
14:37 (02:37 PM) CET
14:46 (02:46 PM) CET
Somehow it’s almost impossible for me to wear clothes in bed. It’s uncomfortable. 🙁 I need someone to keep me warm these months hehe (convenience). Where is HunTishe¿ ( – 3 – )
15:03 (03:03 PM) CET
Ahahaha omg this song has been stuck in my head all day:
16:13 (04:13 PM) CET
I’ve taken some minced beef out of my freezer to let it defrost. Because I’ll be making wraps later. I’ve gained weight since I moved out but I must say it is nothing in comparison to how much I eat now. (What I’m eating likely plays a role.)
It’s odd that my foot does not show signs of improvement, and that the pain itself emerged in the days after the long walk. I mean during and after the long walk my feet were hurting, but I was still able to do grocery shopping without limping (I think). Now every step I take feels like a step too much.
Likely that I live alone and thus have no choice but to cook and wash some dishes every now and then also plays a role. I think the key factor in this very slow healing process is the fact that my painful foot needs een kusje. 🙁
17:27 (05:27 PM) CET
I’d be lying if I’d say that I understand the US system in any detail. But if I’m following this correctly, that which I yayed about yesterday has now been revoked because the court finds that it should have been filed sooner? How the fxck is that possible?
How can they declare something quite groundbreaking one day and then revoke it because they suddenly find that it was applied for too late? Why then go through the entire case first? Why not just dismiss it right away? This does not make any fxcking sense.
Also, look, I get that there are time frames for cases. It would be ridiculous if, this is an exaggerated example, someone could sue saying: “You stole my twinkie 10 years ago.” But this here is about an undecided presidential election (with radically different candidates). The race is still undecided, so what is the time frame?
If legislators have bypassed constitutional law to introduce a voting method that will favor only one of the two candidates and is very easy to commit fraud with, in an unconstitutional manner, and the court has ruled that as unconstitutional… How can it be considered rational to revoke something so impactful? I mean unconstitutional is unconstitutional, right? Regardless if that was reported today or two weeks ago. If there was a pre-defined and not selective time frame for the dismissal of this case, it is odd that it can just ignore unconstitutional legislature like that. Especially because the electoral college has not voted yet. (Who did the people saying that it was too late vote for? (And how much were they paid?))
But ye vulture of democracy be eating popcorn…
18:20 (06:20 PM) CET
It was tasty. 🙂 & My foot does seem to be healing. 🙂 I expect it to be back to normal within 48 hours. (Given that I don’t belasten it too much.)
21:20 (09:20 PM) CET
If there is one thing I have zero tolerance for, it is hearing about (hearing about) people who voted for Joe Biden complain about what Joe Biden’s presidency will look like.
You don’t accidentally vote for the wrong president. They have made an irreversible mistake. They are not in a position to complain about the person, because they have helped him win. Either pay for that mistake with your life, or fxcking suck it up.
22:15 (10:15 PM) CET
Where my babyyy
22:39 (10:39 PM) CET